So it's this little fucker's fifth birthday!
Well, it was a week ago now, but I'm as bad of a mom as I am as a blogger and totally forgot. But even though Lucille Austero has only been in our lives for a few months, she is now 100% officially a part of the family.
Sure, sometimes she does things like throw up in my armpit while I'm watching The West Wing, or she will snuggle up in bed with you JUST to fart on you, and leave once the deed is done. She has done more than enough to warrant her nickname from Andy, Wiggles McDumbass. But she also will nap on my back when I have cramps, she will let me carry her around the house singing weird songs to her, to the tune of really old, semi-popular songs ("What would you do if your Luce was at home, cryin all alone on the bedroom floor cause she's hungry? And the only way to feed her is to go to Petsmart with a little bit of money and get some doggy bones...)
It took a lot of cajoling for our landlord to agree to her, and it took a lot of stress at the beginning. We crate trained her, and it SUCKED. Everyone kept saying, stick with it! She'll love it! She'll never go to the bathroom in there, don't worry! What they meant to say was, she is going to cry in her crate every night for two weeks, you will not sleep. She WILL take poops in her crate, and everyone will tell you there is no logical reason for that (if her crate is the right size, which it is). You will lose your mind. The shelter will tell you she is housetrained, but she will still poop next to your desk once a day, like clockwork, no matter how many times she goes out. You will cry out of frustration.
But consistency is IT, man. Even when you want to give up, even when you think WHY ARE WE STICKING WITH THIS IF IT ISN'T WORKING, especially then. And you know what? When your friend adopts a dog and it sucks at first, tell them that. Everyone else seems like their dog came pre-trained, pre-awesome, ready-to-go and that we had some weird, defective shit factory. Turns out, dogs just do stuff like that. And in spite of it all, they are still amazing.
Even though Loose Seal is purebred, she is a shelter dog. I highly, highly recommend looking into adopting a shelter dog first. On Petfinder you can even search by the breed you want, if that is important to you! When I was looking up some more resources for you, I found this totally bat shit crazy woman ranting about how bad adopted dogs are. So, you know, listen to me and not her.
The moral of this story is that dogs are really hard and people sometimes pretend like they aren't, but if ever your dog pissed on your favorite pillow so many times you almost lost your god damn mind, you are not alone. I am here with you. I understand why you are madly in love with, and spam your Instagram with, someone who does all the things talked about in this entry.
Happy birthday, Lucille Austero. Mommy loves you, and is sorry she commemorated your birth by telling the internet about all the nasty shit you do.